I hold his hand....

It’s been a while since i last posted a blog…i’m hoping i could find more time to write and express my thoughts and ideas…now, as i write, i realize that life is still wonderful. despite the ups and downs, twists and turns and even the highs and lows…life is wonderful. it’s only a matter of how you look at it, how you perceive things and how you react to situations.

at this particular point in my life, something came to an end. it was somehow abrupt and unexpected. but i guess, i saw it coming. and now, i realize that some things have to end to make way for a new beginning. we have to empty ourselves so God could fill us up again with His blessings. old things have to go, so new things could have space. things have to end to make way for more wonderful things to happen.

that’s how life is. you face it head on with a faith in God that He will never bring us down. this may be a low point or a tough time, but time passes and so do these events in once life. sooner or later, the storm will pass and the sun will shine brightly again. things will end and more beautiful things will unfold. i may not be certain as to where all this is leading me, but one thing is for sure, i have faith that it will all be for the best. im holding His hand...

my love...

I’m sleepy… These days, I want to sleep a lot. Sleep is my only escape.

When I sleep, I don’t ever want to wake up. When I’m awake, I never want to stop working and sleep. Somehow, sleep is like a single drop of death. You drown into something very, very deep…and there, you are taken away from the crazy world…and you go somewhere far. Somewhere far from all the hurts and craziness in this world. Somewhere safe…

In my sleep, I forget. I forgive. Serenity fills my whole being…and I don’t get hurt. Sleep is a moment of bliss for me that I will continue to cherish… even for a moment ...my love of the moment :)

the routine -boredom!

I'm completely exhausted and was practically falling asleep at the espresso machine( don giv the kettle in my room ne rst!!) tonight . Getting up at 5:30 am., going to extra classes, and then RUSHING straight to college for a streched 8 hours isn't exactly what i call a fun day. Especially when after that i have yet to come home and start on my loads of submissions, diaries, writing, talking to the one I love, taking a shower, and saying hi to my parents.. if they're even still up by the time I settle. I don't talk to them much during the week...

I'm completely slipping away from reality. I sat in all my classes today, trying SOOOO HARD to pay attention, learn something, and feel like a student that I am... but before I knew it , class was over, and I had been zoned out the entire 45 minutes... hell, who knows if a teacher even called me??! Which is even worse, I wasn't even thinking about anything while I zoned out for every class period. It was like...not me. I have no idea what is going on.

I can only wear super flat shoes because I get so dizzy and sway these days. I hold literally onto railings, people, everything. I can hardly make it from one class to the next without falling flat on my face .

Even in my most tired states I can't fall asleep. It's like I never learned how...I just can't do it. My pulse just races, and my eyes droop, but I am completely alert and awake, just listening to the wind outside …

untold pain...

She saw him very briefly tonight. The first thing that he said to her was, 'what, no hug!?' They hugged each other so tightly that she almost thought they were going to be stuck together. She felt really nice talking to him, but it was hard for her to look at him in the eyes when he talked.. for some reason. He got up to give her a hug bye and she wrapped her arms around his waist, told him to have a safe trip home, & to call her. He smiled. She smiled and felt so content, as though she had finally come full circle. She wasn in pain while sitting next to him not being able to touch him. She was SO unbelievably happy to be his best friend , his evrything. But now they decided to take a huge step. They were in a relation for long and now going backwards. Its just not two individuals... lot of factors decide whether they should unite… She wanted to make her parents happy and chose herself to be in melancholy .. But she knew she loved himand that she can never love someone else like the way she loves him..
He tried to convince her saying she can fall in love with the destined guy(he's convinced that she’d be madly in love with someone else) . While he was saying all these...she was in a different world..a world of herown..."seeing, & talking to him, like friends was the hardest thing" she thought..They wernt destined to be in a relationship but a lifetime friendship atlesat…she wished. Or this might be the last time she coud see im also..she wanted to cry out loud but she dint.. It can only worsen things and she knew it.
She saw him leaving..not jus from ther..but from her life..She could feel her soul being torn apart.. She had no option other than to bear the pain and smile.. A pain so intense and untold…